Evolving Style- Going Deep With NYC Stylist Gwen Miller-Aceto

How do you define style? How do our sartorial choices impact the way we see ourselves and the way others see us? Does age factor into our fashion choices? How do we adjust and adapt our wardrobes to some of the physical changes we encounter at midlife? Are there essential pieces that every woman should have in her wardrobe? These are just some of the many things I talked about with Gwen Miller-Aceto, a New York City-based Design Consultant and Fashion Stylist whose impressive resume spans 20 years in the industry and includes lead design positions at major brands, including Ralph Lauren, Gap, and private label companies as well. She currently leads her own successful design and styling consultancy utilizing her industry knowledge and sophisticated eye to help clients identify their style and create captivating looks that are relevant and timeless. Gwen takes a very holistic approach to styling, understanding that it’s about so much more than the clothes we wear. We went deep on the psychology of it all, and I’m excited to share our conversation with you! Let's dive in...

With the New Year approaching, let’s start with your philosophy about how we can all make positive changes in our lives, starting with our closets.

I find that one of the best ways to make a positive change in your life is to start by getting rid of the things that don’t serve you and seeing clearly the things that do. The energetics around it creates more space for newness in your life. This can obviously be applied to your closet, but I’m also referring to mindset. Part of my philosophy is accepting yourself for where you are today, which can be a very tough concept to embrace. It is so deeply engrained in us to strive for perfection, which we consciously know is impossible, but we still operate with that as the goal. As the new year approaches, start by being kinder to yourself, keeping your inner monologue positive. The self talk should be the same as if you were talking to your daughter, niece, or your younger self.

I was fascinated by your thoughts about how clothes can be a very triggering topic for many of us. I think understanding why something makes us feel/react is so important to personal growth. Can you elaborate on the topic?

Absolutely! Clothes are the first impression that we have on the world around us and this starts at a young age. We attach so many feelings of worth, popularity, status, wealth, etc. and have a very black and white understanding when we are children. Some women used to play in their moms’ closet, had shopping trips with their aunts, made their own clothes, wore a school uniform…and the list goes on of all the events surrounding clothing and image. If there was a more negative experience had, it can follow into adulthood in subtle and not so subtle ways. A very personal story as an example occurred when I was six. It was a payday Friday morning and laundry was going to be done the next day. As I was getting dressed for school, I realized I didn’t have any underwear left since it was all in the laundry. My mom who is very chic said “wear your black dance leotard.” Although Andre Courreges was credited with creating the bodysuit in the 60s, my mom introduced it into girls’ wear in the 80s which I did NOT appreciate at the time. I hoped no one would notice, and of course, someone did. I couldn’t identify the emotion then, but it was shame. Fast forward to four years ago, I had emergency surgery followed by a week-long hospital stay. My dear friend went back to my apartment to get some of my belongings, clothes, and underwear. When she returned to the hospital, the first thing she said to me was, “Oh my god, Gwen! You have so much underwear!” I had never realized that based on that childhood experience, I was making sure I would never run out. Since then, I have purged SOME of that drawer….but hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Sometimes it is much simpler than that… but whatever the reason, sometimes it just stops being fun for some. And that’s where I come in- my mission is to make it fun!

As a woman in midlife, I have definitely experienced some shifts in my body and weight distribution (as in I now have a pouch), and I know a lot of my contemporaries can relate to this issue. Many of us gain weight as we go through peri/menopause, particularly in our midsections. What advice can you give to women experiencing these changes from a style perspective?

This is so common! First of all, I’m going to reference my philosophy of accepting yourself where you are today. I think most of us can relate to looking at a photo of ourselves when we were younger and thinking “I looked so good then! Why did I think I was (fill in the blank).” We seem to never appreciate what we have while we have it so let’s change that and accept ourselves as we are.

Next, your closet needs to have clothes that you love and that fit. Someone very close to me had gained weight in her early 50s. We were standing in front of her closet and she said, “Ugh, nothing fits me anymore.” I replied, “Time to go shopping and get a couple outfits that do fit that you can be excited about.” She said, “I want to lose weight though and don’t want to spend the money on clothes at this size.” Which I followed up with, “So you are going to start off everyday looking at this closet and silently punishing yourself for gaining weight?” Nope, no time for that.

The truth is majority of clothing brands use a fit model when fitting the garments for production…and no two fit models are alike. You may be a size 8 in one brand and a size 12 in another because designer labels usually use a smaller fit model versus the big box stores. Moral of the story - don’t let the size on the label dictate. It’s more about how it fits you and the proportion according to your style. I have clothes that range from XS-XL because of variations in the brands’ fit as well as how I want it to look on me.

Finally, highlight your assets. Great legs…cleavage…hourglass shape…show it off! Re the pouch - the instinct is to hide it by wearing a long shirt which often only enhances it. What looks most slimming is an easy styling trick of lightly tucking in just the center front hem of your shirt. For more individualized suggestions, I always recommend treating yourself to a stylist/image consultant who can help you find the most flattering looks for you.

As you see it, is age a factor when it comes to making fashion choices?

Personally, I think age is a moot point. When you know what works best for you, you ultimately make fashion choices that honor that. The only thing that becomes more important as you age is the quality of the clothes and accessories...as I like to say, “It’s about quality, not quantity.”

How do you define style? How is it different from fashion?

Style is timeless and fashion is of the moment. Another way of putting it is: Style is your investment pieces and fashion is your trend pieces.

There’s a great Iris Apfel quote where she says that the key to style is learning who you are. What’s your take on the key to style?

I couldn’t agree more with Iris! She is a fashion icon for a reason. To her point, your style evolves and will continue to as you evolve. For me, the key to style is dressing for yourself. What I mean by that is wear looks that you feel chic and fabulous in because you will emanate that. The saying is true: When you look good, you feel good. Besides, what is more stylish than a confident woman?!?

How do you help a client define and/or refine her personal style?

I always recommend starting out with the Closet Edit package because it allows them to get rid of the things not serving them plus they can see what is really in their closet. This process really helps to identify what their style has been and we discuss how to utilize various pieces. Plus, I determine where I can push the envelope and assess what essentials could enhance their wardrobe. When refining and/or defining their style, I listen to really understand their lifestyle and goals. After that it is a mix of instinct with industry expertise.

I also offer the Closet Consult which is an hour introductory session where I go over tips on how to organize your closet including repurposing and purging, the essentials to own, and answer specific styling questions that they may have. I want to note that part of the purging process is donating to wonderful organizations like Uncommon Threads that I know you are a part of through your involvement with #uncommoninfluence.

I would love to help the Patina community jump-start their 2022 by giving them a special rate on the Closet Consult. Please see the links below. (Links appear at the end of the article)

What about trying out different styles? Should we stick to our lane, so to speak, or do you recommend experimenting?

I highly support experimenting! Being open to new styles is the best way to discover new loves and closet staples. We are not one note and our closets shouldn’t be either. My recommendation is to start out small with a piece that will go with something else in your closet then uplevel to the head-to-toe look. Another tip I tell my clients is if they like an entire look that see in a store or online, buy the whole outfit if possible. The work is done for you!

Talk to me about trends- how do we know what to jump on and what to pass on?

I’ll refer back to what I said earlier…when you know what works for you, you will make fashion choices that honor that. A guideline I have is that color is for statement, not staples. So if you want to make a trend item last longer, buy it in a classic color like black, navy, camel, cream or white.

Are there essential pieces that every woman should have in her wardrobe? What makes a piece essential?

There are definitely essentials that span different genres of style. What makes an essential is it’s versatility in your wardrobe. This, of course, will vary a little depending on your style. However, my top 3 essentials are a black or white button-down shirt, a great pair of darker denim jeans and a black double-breasted blazer. The shirt can be on its own, layered, tucked in, belted as well as paired with everything from leggings with over-the-knee boots to a ballgown skirt. I love a slim, slightly cropped jean that ends just above the ankle because it pairs well with flats, booties and boots. I prefer a double-breasted blazer because it offers more coverage and can be utilized as a jacket.

We talked about making considered choices when shopping. What exactly do you mean by that, and how do you help your clients do it?

We are in a culture of overconsumption where more is better. More is not better, more is overwhelming. I am definitely guilty of it. I forget about some of the pieces that I have in my closet! We tend to wear only 15% of what we own so when I am helping my clients, it’s really important to know what they already have. When shopping, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I own something similar?

2. To reference Marie Kondo - does it truly bring you joy?

3. Will I be upset if I don’t buy it and it’s not here next week?

4. Do I know (and have) what to wear with it and how to style it?

5. Is something else bothering me and this is retail therapy moment?

6. Do I really like it or do I like the sale price better?

These questions just give you a moment to pause to hopefully avoid impulse purchases and make considered choices.

To take this full circle from my first question, if I had a dime for every woman I know who has a closet full of clothes but feels like she has nothing to wear, I would be writing this from my villa in Tuscany! What advice do you have to help overcome this issue?

Haha I’ll bring the bottle of wine over and join you! To go really deep here, sometimes when we were not able to get all the clothes and accessories that we wanted when we were younger, we have a hard time making a decision and parting with what we do have as adults. Full disclosure - this is totally me. A couple suggestions:

Purge:

1. Ask yourself what do you really want for yourself? Is that item supporting this future vision of your best life? Will you be wearing that at your new job, when you get a promotion, join a non-profit, lose the weight, etc.? Many times, when one loses weight, they want to buy new things!

2. Then ask, would this item serve someone else better? Can you help someone else or give joy by gifting, donating or selling it?

Organize:

1. Put the items that you wear the most in an accessible spot

2. Treat your closet as a boutique

Archive:

1. Sentimental items should be stored properly or displayed if that is your style.

2. Anything that you are not ready to part with and want to save or reassess at another time should go into a box and kept in a safe place.

Finally, you are about to launch a new podcast in January! Tell us more about it and how we can find it.

Yes, I’m really excited about it! My podcast, The Fashionable Journey, is a behind the scenes look at working in the fashion industry. My goal is to be an inspirational resource for those interested in working in fashion as well as those navigating their careers in the industry. I interview former co-workers, friends and acquaintances with the hope that their stories and mine will be examples of how there are many opportunities and not “a proper” or linear path to achieve success…that anything is possible. You can find it Spotify or Apple Podcasts!

I am so inspired by Gwen and the thoughtful approach she takes to styling. Beyond her impeccable taste and impressive skills, she brings so much dimension to her work and really understands the psychology of of it all. And to help you start the year with a clean, organized closet (and a clear mind!), Gwen is offering the “My Closet Consult”- an in-depth session where she discusses more ideas and tips on how to love your wardrobe again! She’s giving the Patina community $50 off, and sessions can be booked in-person for those in the NYC area, and virtually for everyone else. Click the links below for more information and to book your session!

https://calendly.com/gemamode/patina-life-in-person-closet-consult

https://calendly.com/gemamode/patina-life-virtual-closet-consult