The Beauty of Intergenerational Friendships
Still going strong!
I originally published this piece in February 2020, and while our friendship has remained a constant, life has changed some. First, the good news! Since I’m now spending part of the year in Miami, proximity makes it a bit easier to spend time together. But sadly, about a year after this was written, Marcia’s beloved husband passed away. He was a kind and gentle soul who loved her with all of his heart. But my friend is resilient, and I continue to learn from her strength and grace. I hope after reading you will feel inspired to find or nurture your own intergenerational connections… xx
Me and my Marcia in 2019
Here we are in 2011 in NYC- it must have been bright in there!
We all have so much to learn from each other, but the reality is that we tend to gravitate toward the familiar. And in many ways, it makes perfect sense that we would want to spend our time with people who are like us and who share common experiences, live on similar schedules, have kids the same age, etc. Life is busy and friendship, in large part, requires opportunities for interaction. Even in the workplace, where we now have 5 generations sharing space and we do have those opportunities, the mixing doesn’t usually go beyond the office. Add to that the OK Boomer memes that abound today; while they can be funny, they highlight the fact that we really do need to work to bridge the divide and try to get to know each other better!
I feel very fortunate that one of my closest friends has a couple of decades on me. We met at work in the late 90’s, and I thought that she was just the epitome of cool. She was smart and beautiful, and had the kind of confident energy I hoped that I too would exude someday. I was 31 years old, and Marcia was in her early 50s, but despite our age difference we fell into an easy, natural friendship that has grown over the course of 20+ years and continues to feed us both.
When we first met, we were both former attorneys working in management at a large law firm. I was drawn to her, but didn’t quite know what to make of her. She was newly married for the fourth time, which I couldn’t really wrap my head around, and if I’m being honest my first inclination was to judge her. You see, I was a bit of a sheltered kid, and didn’t have a ton of life experience up to that point. I had only known a handful of people who had been divorced (I was raised Catholic and hadn’t yet been divorced myself), so four marriages just didn’t compute. But I was intrigued and wanted to get to know her.
We connected easily, and I very quickly let go of any preconceived notions I may have had; rather than judge her, I came to admire her for all of her wonderful qualities. Her courage to start over more than a few times, her capacity to embrace the unknown and her open mind and heart, among other things. Through our friendship in those early years, I learned so much. For one, and it’s an important one, I learned to judge less and listen more. I learned from her broad perspective and from her life experiences. I saw that one could face challenges like divorce, career change, even death of loved ones, etc., and not only survive, but thrive. She was a great resource when I encountered situations at work that I was unsure how to handle. Through our friendship my world view expanded, and I started to open up to what I did not know in a very real and meaningful way.
While the benefits of spending time with a more experienced friend are clear, I talked to Marcia about how our relationship has impacted her. She told me that our friendship keeps her young and engaged, and encourages her to keep her creative juices running. “No matter how old I am, you make me feel like I am still ‘fabulous’ and have much to contribute to this world.” And indeed she does! We talked about all we have shared over the years. “Love, divorce, marriage, career changes, health issues, death and a myriad of circumstances that life threw at us— together we conquered all, employing laughter as the greatest cure-all.” Oh, so much laughter!
I am now about the age that Marcia was when we met, and our friendship is still going strong. I also have the privilege of knowing some incredible young women, and I learn as much from them as I do from my older friends. I am in awe of the passion of this younger generation of women; they are engaged in the world, they are empowered and they are courageous, unafraid of speaking out and living their convictions. Spending time with younger women is energizing, and helps me to stay on top of trends and popular culture. Also, it can be very life-affirming to be around younger people who genuinely value your opinion and your experience, especially in middle age, when many women speak of feeling like they are becoming invisible. During these years, spending time with younger friends can remind us just how valuable and relevant we really are. Again, perspective is so important, and the younger generations have so much to contribute to the conversation. I treasure these friendships as well, and feel very fortunate to know so many wonderful women at so many stages in life.
I should tell you that Marcia is still married to husband number four, who was her college sweetheart and first true love. Their story is one of the many rich, textured layers of her life, a life she is still rocking with style and grace. We now live in different states, but our relationship transcends distance and age. And by the way, she is still the epitome of cool in her 70’s, and getting better every year!